sólo vives una vez

I always feel like I'm not living completely in the present during goodbyes. I space out. I'm always lacking sleep for some reason. There are always other factors, like the fear of change or what comes next after a goodbye, because it means something new is happening, or that something is going away. This is how I feel with my goodbye to Mexico. Of course, because I am lucky and my family lives so close, it is probably more like a "see you later", especially because we did not achieve our goal of visiting the land of our ancestors (timing was difficult). Right now I am stuffed, tired, grumpy, pmsing (let's be honest), and I'm nervous for what comes after Mexico. I'll be in Houston for two weeks and then in Fort Collins, and I know that once I find that routine/balance again with my school life, things will be great, but until then things may be a bit rocky. I didn't experience much cultural shock coming home from Spain last summer, but my life was different then, and my family in Spain was less than sweet. This time, I know I will experience something, but as my teacher in Spain told us, when we feel uncomfortable, it means we're learning something, or that we learned something. I'll take my uneasiness for what comes next as a good sign that I enjoyed my time here, and that I met some people that truly mean a lot to me (mostly my amazing friends from the program, my family, the women at Las Libres, and the women in the prison in Guanajuato), and that I learned some invaluable lessons. So, although I am not as present and awake in the moment as I'd like to be, I know that Guanajuato has a special, irreplaceable place in my heart...

and I like to think the feeling is mutual.